Thomas Tarquin Churchwell

I love being a freak and a stalker.

Bitch Baby

That's me, Thomas Tarquin Churchwell,  a bitch luvin' guy.  Just ask my sista.  

"Churchie" Self-Portrait

Yes, this is the man, known 'round the hood as "Churchie".  He's feeling down this holiday season, as Sears Portrait Studio refused to hire him.  He applied at a few "blue foto studios" but again, no luck as the women refused to undress in front of him.  Does he have a tattoo across his forehead that says "LOSER"?   If so, he should get a few laser treatments, to rid himself of that pesky moniker.  In addition, "Churchie" might want to invest a day or two or three, watching marathon reruns of "What Not To Wear". 

Story About A Man Named Tarquin

Come and listen to a story about a man named Tarq

A poor New Hampshire man, barely kept his family fed,

Then one day he applied for some food stamps,

And the welfare lady told him he was sick and rich.

Mental illness, good as gold, New Hampshire granite.

Well the first thing you know ol' Tarq's a millionaire,

Kinfolk said Tom move away from there

Said New York City is the place you ought to be

So he loaded up the truck and moved to Rego Park.

Queens, that is.

Pool halls, tranny stars 

Thomas Tarquin Churchwell 

Hick-to-Slick